around the house...

i did a couple of quick little projects with leftover spray paint...
i found this little random house shaped wire tray at DI ($.75) one day, it started as this dusty blue color (there's the Krylon Bahama Sea paint)

avery saw me painting it outside and she said, "you're painting it the same color mom!"  well, it's brighter i think:)  i love it...eventually i want to have little hearts for each of our family members in the house..appropriate for valentine's day...or anytime

the same day i was at DI i found this little fishy ($3)...i think it was once used as a vase but he's just pretty 

and apparently i have an affection for white vase-like things...most of these are milk glass..i'm always on the lookout..so the fishy fits right in...in the living room:)  hey, there's kendall and me on our wedding day....awwww.....

we just had craft day at my house Tuesday day, Tuesday night and Wednesday day...a couple of things i made...this vinyl was a groopdealz i ordered for those that wanted it....here's the other leftover spray paint on the frame (dark gray, from Ethan's Dresser)

here's a wreath i did that i big time love...inspiration here (we made our own frames for it, by cutting moving boxes into a heart and gluing two thicknesses together so it would be strong.  worked REALLY well...it's a lot of ribbon, i used parts of 7 spools of ribbon...i did 4 inch loops, and i had about 120-130 loops, which is  about 13 yards, if anyone is counting!)

i especially love the glitter ribbons..you can't seem them very well in any of the pics, but they are super cute:)

that's what going on around our house lately...

today is Christian's Birthday...

today is Christian's 5 month birthday. i thought i'd write a letter to him...

 Dearest Christian,

 As I sit here writing this, your brothers and sister are listening to music and having a dance party in the living room. And my heart feels heavy as I think of you and how I won't be able to watch you do the same. I miss you every day, sweet boy, with every heartbeat. This grief that I feel is large, big, sometimes I wish I could just hide under my blankets or close the door and not face the day. But I can't, I have three other small people here who need a mother. And that is wonderful, because being up and caring for them has helped me not be reclusive, they are showing me how to heal. I am just slower than they are at it. We love you Christian, we say goodnight to you every night, you are in every prayer...Avery asked me the other day why you had to leave us. And we both cried as we talked about it...again. Sometimes I feel like asking the same question, but for Ethan, Avery and Blake I have to be strong, the one with the answers. These are some things I know, since you have left us...Heavenly Father knows us. He knows our strengths and weaknesses very personally. This situation was not something I ever dreamed of having to handle. But somehow, with lots of prayer, I am able to get through the days. I know that you didn't come to our family so briefly to break us, or make us fall apart, but to bring us together. You have done that for us Christian, for a lot of members of our family and friends, helped us realize how precious, sweet and brief life can be. I worry sometimes that as I heal, I will forget the way you were learning to smile, the way you smelled, the courage and love that you showed us. But then I look at your pictures, I remember how much your siblings love you and doted on you while you were here, how everyone felt your large spirit, and I know I won't forget. This is hard, baby, but we can be together again. I look forward to that day very much. But I won't wish away the time I have here...you taught us that.

 We love you and we miss you. Please know that. You are very much a part of our day, as I give three baths, and think of the fourth, or feed three children and think of you...take three children to the park and count them...and know in my heart that there are four. On the 11th (the anniversary of the day you left us) we were at a store and a lady was in front of us. She turned around and watched your brothers and sister, talking, laughing--being cute, and she smiled and said,"they are so cute, they remind me of my family growing up. My mom had four little ones...you are just missing one." I smiled and walked away, and said under my breath, "yes, we are missing one."

 Thank you for being part of our family Christian. We love you to the moon and back...forever.

 love,
mom, dad, and your crazy wonderful siblings

Books Books Books...

usually i put things on reserve at the library and then go in and pick it up once they have put it on the special reserve shelf for me, so i don't have to hunt through the library with my three rambunctious-i-think-i-know-how-to-whisper-but-not-really-as-i-run-up-and-down-the-aisles children. lately they have wanted to have their own library cards, so we got one for E and A for two libraries that are near us. they are thrilled. B is not too upset he doesn't get one yet (since he's only 2) so for now we are good:) i made them little felt wallets to help them keep track of the cards, since as the lady at one of the libraries informed me, "it's $5 to replace a lost card"...i'm guessing we are not the first people that will probably lose a card:) but in an effort to help them keep track of their cards, i made little wallets with a tutorial from Craftiness is Not Optional and it was simple to do, so if you have need of a library card, or any other card holder, that is a good tutorial. but really i am writing this post for another reason...just to ponder the weirdness of the library reserve system. so i put things on reserve and it seems like they come to me all at the same time. does this happen to anyone else? i wish there was an option to delay my hold for a week or something but still have it come to me in the near future...does that even make sense? like, skip me and then keep me on the list as next after the person after reads it... because right now i have from the library

recommended by alacey...should be good

2nd in a series that we are reading on going

i have waited for this book for a LOOOOONG time from the library

and this was a recommendation from my sister...i just finished reading the Scarlet Pimpernel by Baroness Orczy...this is along the same lines... so i have all these books and of course Crossed and Hangman's Daughter can't be renewed so i need to read them first if i am going to...so...i should get on that huh? are you reading anything great? do you have the same "books on reserve" issue that i do???? it's just kind of amazing how they all come at once....kismet i guess

sleep eating...

click in the bottom right hand corner of the youtube frame to make it big, then you can see his nodding off in greater detail:)

Resolutions?

Strictly speaking I don't really make resolutions. I definitely have things I want to do better and things I need to improve on.... So maybe it's more goal setting for me. Some of my goals are: 1) to exercise 5 or 6 days out of 7. Really make it a habit. So far, so good. I have an elliptical upstairs ( thanks inlaws for that) so I have been doing that. Goal 2) do scripture study everyday. Another habit I need to be better at. Even if I am tired, even if I didn't do anything else, I want to do this. Very important to me. So far, so good on that as well:). Goal 3) purge the house. This one was an unconscious one. I just had in my mind that I needed to do some organizing and it would be good to have things to take to my ward's "no sale garage sale".... Well... We have never generated so much trash/ recycling in one week! Amazing! We have moved 8 times in our 9 years of marriage (celebrated that over Christmas break as well) and so I am used to cleaning out when we move. But this is the longest we've been in one house ( we like it a lot!) but the purging needed to happen! I am making my way through every toy closet/basket, every cupboard/drawer/locker/and bookshelf. Very happy about it! The whole house is feeling lighter:) so really the first 9 days of 2012 have been going pretty well. (really all the cleaning and organizing is to keep me busy to enable my brain to think of something else for a bit...coping mechanism I guess) but for now it works. Do you resolve or make goals? Got any good ones? (ps-I wrote this from my phone.... Not sure if I like that yet or not)

relections on Christmas and New Year...

Bless Blogger for actually putting them in the order that i uploaded them in...but it's reverse order, so follow along if you like...

 seriously...i see our future, and she's beautiful and sassy...as a 4 year and as a 14 year old i am sure!

 playing at del taco...we did this on the way to UT and the way home (for lunch)

 it never snowed in Sandy while we were there (thank heavens!) so kendall took the kiddos (along with Uncle Gabriel and their oldest two) to Big Cottonwood Canyon to find some snow. they had a ball.

 Christmas Morning...blake got candy! yahoo! he has the mail bag i made for them strung over his shoulder...more on that later. inspiration for it here

 marble run that blake got for Christmas but they all love. we got it here

 everyone got new umbrellas...they love to pretend it's raining:)

porthole window in the table tent, one on each short end

front of the tent...we'll get better pics later huh?  it's got a half circle window on your right with address (1227 Wilson Way) freezer paper stenciled on it, and you can see blake with the mail bag on delivering mail, because the tent also has a mail slot:) 

 back of the tent, three windows

 b man got a sleeping bag for Christmas so he and avery had a little "sleepover" christmas morning

 ethan got some serious artillery and dad was helping in that endeavor 

 all suited up...it even has a laser light on it for aiming...yikes!

 trying to get pictures in their pjs Christmas Eve ( i made the pants and appliqued Avery's shirt)

 and we're moving...

 at least they are all looking at the camera, sort of!

 acting out the Christmas story..blake was joseph this year, avery is always mary, and ethan was a shepherd again. various stuffed animals are the sheep.

i made a lot of these little guys for ethan's classmates and various other gifts we gave (with popcorn sized versions as well) they are fun and cute! (candy bar wrappers)

so that's our Christmas/Trip in reverse:)  we had a great time.  i've taken all the Christmas decorations down now and i always think of the Forgotten Carols song "I cry the day that i take the tree down" and i did get a little teary...i just love the lights and the decorations and the feeling of Christmas.  i am also sad that 2011 has passed, the year that Christian came into our family, and the year he passed out of it.  Everyday is still hard...doing things with three children is easy for me now...but i constantly feel the baby i am not holding, the diapers i am not changing and the smiles and baby sounds i am not seeing.  I am determined to heal...albeit slowly i am sure.  I am just in process:)  I must remind myself daily that time is what is really going to be the great equalizer.  i hope all of you had a great first of the year!!!

hope yours was merry and happy...

we left the day after Christmas to go to UT...driving and it actually went really well.  i was surprised how well the kids did...i guess they are growing up huh?  we had a great time with my family (thank you family for being with us and helping and for everything!).  we drove home today (again the kids did so well!) and are trying to unpack/put away Christmas presents etc.

i feel a big excitement about cleaning out drawers/closets/toys/clothes and starting fresh with this new year...i hope that enthusiasm lasts.  a couple friends in our ward are putting on a "no sale garage sale" where you can bring your gently used things and it's like a big trade!  i am excited for that, because there are definitely things i'd like to have less of!

i'll have pictures in the next post (although i didn't take a ton...too busy participating in the fun and togetherness) but i hope your Christmas was Merry and your New Year was Happy!