to think about...

I read a few general conference talks lately.  There were some thoughts in them that I wanted to document and save; More for myself than anything. ***Please know: None of these tidbits are "cries for help" or a roundabout way of asking for help for myself. Mostly they were things that really resonated with me that I wanted to remember and share.  Perhaps they are words or thoughts that you'd enjoy as well...

One talk was by Ronald A. Rasband called Special Lessons

"Put simply, this life is training for eternal exaltation, and that process means tests and trials. It has always been so, and no one is spared."


"Trusting in God’s will is central to our mortality. With faith in Him, we draw upon the power of Christ’s Atonement at those times when questions abound and answers are few."


"Thus another special lesson learned: If you come upon a person who is drowning, would you ask if they need help—or would it be better to just jump in and save them from the deepening waters? The offer, while well meaning and often given, “Let me know if I can help” is really no help at all."


Quoting President Monson
“God bless all who endeavor to be their brother’s keeper, who give to ameliorate suffering, who strive with all that is good within them to make a better world. Have you noticed that such individuals have a brighter smile? Their footsteps are more certain. They have an aura about them of contentment and satisfaction … for one cannot participate in helping others without experiencing a rich blessing himself.”


John 14:27 
“My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”


The second talk I read was by President Monson entitled The Race of Life 


He quotes William Wordsworth:


Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting...

Not in entire forgetfulness,

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come

From God, who is our home:

Heaven lies about us in our infancy!

Hebrews 12:1 

"...let us run with patience the race that is set before us."

"It is in the presence of God we desire to dwell. It is a forever family in which we want membership. Such blessings are earned through a lifetime of striving, seeking, repenting, and finally succeeding."


These words of men whom I sustain as prophets and apostles give me hope and strength. They help me to know that I am not alone, that everyone has trials and heartache.  But there is a way that our trials and our hurt can be made right. I know, for me, it's not immediate or even quick. It's long and it's hard.  I hurt.  Everyday.  But everyday I hurt a little less, because of the Gospel, because of the fantastic children Heavenly Father has blessed me with.  Because of an amazing partner to endure with.  Because of Him who knows all my hurt and all my pain and worry.

So how am I doing? My standard answer is, I'm alright.  And I am. I am here.  I am learning...through grief. And we are trying to find our joy again.

Panda!!!

My cute niece Ruby had a birthday this last week and i was able to whip up this little bag and get it shipped to her by her birthday! it's like a new record! cause i'm not super good with getting things in the mail "on time" to get to the person by the actual day of the birthday.

she loves pandas and so i did a little freezer paper stencil action...you know how i love that technique.

and we filled this little bag with some squinkies (not pictured) but i thought she might like a bag to carry around treasures, since i am a bag person:)  i think she liked it! it was fun to make. and i do love grommets!

herding cats...

you've heard this expression before right? something along the lines of, "Man, it was so hard to get my kids out the door, it was like herding cats!"

the point being, cats don't really do what they are told and sometimes kids don't either.  if your children do what they are told all the time, please discontinue reading and move to the head of the line:)

so i had a moment today where i was trying to get ethan ready to go to school. we had the snack, the water bottle, the homework...what we needed were socks and shoes...and the three kids were playing together loudly and running around which is great, but it was time to get ready to go...it took about 15 minutes to get shoes and socks on just Ethan.  {I don't make Avery and Blake wear shoes when we take Ethan because they don't get out and we don't go anywhere but back home.}  i digress...15 minutes! i was shocked how long it took!  like i was herding cats....

and then i read this essay during nap time, that my cousin had posted on her facebook...and it made me cry...and laugh. but i seriously think there is a lot of truth in what this woman is saying...go read it...i'll still be here when you get back....did you read it?  okay then, so i don't necessarily feel pressured to have my spices magnetized and alphabetized but i understand the idea behind what she is saying.  don't take your eye off the ball here...which reminded me of this quote from Neil L. Anderson from the October 2011 General Conference (he's quoting a woman named Rachel Jankovic)

"Growing up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood...Children rank way below college.  Below world travel for sure.  Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure.  Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get."  She then adds: "Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling.  You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps.  It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for."

And those two things, the essay and that talk, today have made me ponder my own mothering.  we haven't felt very good lately, and when i don't feel well, i'm a little cranky. we've had pink eye, coughing, sore throats, stomach cramps/diarrhea...i am hoping we are done with the sickies for a while. But even if we aren't, my children deserve the best i can muster.  i love them. they are amazing.  they make me laugh, they make me cry, they make me frustrated, they make me proud, happy and thrilled.  so, not that everyday won't be a little bit of herding cats and saying the same thing 80 times, but that i may have a better perspective on WHY i am herding these particular cats and WHY i am telling these particular darlings the same things over and over...i am writing it here....perhaps i'll even come back to read it again and again. cause it seems like i'm the one that has to be told things over and over sometimes to get the point.

proof that we did do eastery things this weekend...we went to our ward egg hunt on Friday and then couldn't do the family things on saturday cause Avery came down with pink eye.  we didn't go to church either, for the same reason, quarantined.  but they sure had fun at this egg hunt and then the indoor one we had on easter morning:)  

most of all this easter i was glad to remember our Savior and the amazing gift of his Atonement and Resurrection, without which, we could not return to live with our Heavenly Father again.  It is because of His matchless gift, that our families can be together forever as well.  Amen to that.

(this is Christian, just 3 days old:))

Homemade Powdered Laundry Soap

i have wanted to try making my own laundry soap for a while.  today, our regular detergent is almost gone, so i decided it was time to give it a whirl....

there are A LOT of tutorials, guides, recipes and ways to make laundry soap. i decided i wanted to make powdered instead of liquid...most of the recipes are based on the same three ingredients.

BAR SOAP

this i the kind i used, you can also use Fels Naptha, Ivory etc. needs to be a bar, not heavily perfumed, this bar is actually about 3 times the size of one Fels Naptha, for the same price, so i tripled the recipe.

SUPER WASHING SODA

NOT the same as baking soda, found in the aisle with the detergent...

BORAX POWDER

the tutorial i referenced is here

since my bar of ZOTE soap was bigger than the average Fels Naptha, i did my soap in three batches.  i grated a third of the bar at a time, mixed it with 1 cup each of the washing soda and the borax in a large bowl, and then i put it in my kitchenaid blender (you could also use a food processor, i just don't have one). i found that you can't  have the blender going with it in there too long, cause it gets hot, the mixture starts to clump and won't mix as well. but for a short mix in the blender,  this very effectively turned the grated soap to powder and incorporated the ingredients well.

the tutorial i used says to use 2 TBSP per batch of clothes. i read a few though and they all range from 1-2 TBSP, so do what you think works best for you.

i think this is going to be very economical and from what i've read, it works really well too. i am excited to try it out. i used probably about 1/2 the box of Washing Soda, but not half of the borax, so there's enough left to do another triple batch, i am sure.

:Price Breakdown:

ZOTE soap: $.97

Washing Soda: $3.24 (for entire box, 55 oz, i used 24 oz) price for 24 oz = $1.41

Borax: $3.38 (for entire box, 76 oz, i used 24 oz) price for 24 oz = $1.06

total for a triple batch: $3.44

i will let you know how long it lasts...look for updates as it gets used:)  just something i wanted to try...

Superstition Springs Farm

it's actually a dairy, not a farm. no crops are grown there.  just LOTS of cows.  did you know that ice cream is made mostly from the milk from Jersey cows (brown and white normally) and not our black and white friends?

another fact, i never thought about, a cow has to have just had a baby and is technically "nursing" when it gives milk. so the cows are giving birth around the clock, the calves are sent to a special farm just for them, cause if they were drinking mama's milk, none of the rest of us would be:)

they had some animals you could pet, poor angora bunny, can't even hardly see him for all the lovin' he was SUPER fluffy.

they got to hold a chicken

avery loves animals in a big way.

blake really liked holding that chicken!

we got to go on a hay ride and see the dairy in all it's splendor

the sun was in little man's face, so not a good pic

they also got to try some flavored milk. avery got chocolate i think

B got butterscotch

and Ethan got strawberry

we went with avery's class and it was tons of fun:)  glad we got to go

5 months, 7 months....

Yesterday was Christian's 7 month birthday and the Sunday before that was the 5 month mark of him leaving our family.  We visited his memorial marker yesterday.  It got installed in February, FINALLY, wow, what a loooooooong process that was.  But it is finally in and it looks very nice.

we put flowers there for February...here it is in February....

here it is yesterday...March 18th

oddly, maybe, our kids have always liked cemeteries. kendall takes them on jogs, and i think that's what it stemmed from...they jogged by a cemetery once and wanted to go in and look at the graves and flowers and flags...and then every time they jogged by for a while they went to visit that cemetery.  so they are very comfortable with cemeteries. i was originally worried about how they would react going to visit Christian but i knew it was something we needed to do as a family...but i shouldn't have worried. they always surprise me, and most often adjust faster than i ever could.

the most challenging part of going is just making sure that Blake leaves the ornaments in the vases of the different graves.

 we are doing okay. i am a conflict in terms, i want our family to never forget but still be able to move forward. not move on because we will never move away from him. we will always have Christian with us wherever we go, he's part of us and always will be. i want other people to not forget too, but then it's hard to talk about still. i avoided my bank for a while after Christian passed away. they talked to me about him, smiled at him, talked to him etc. so i was afraid that they would question where he was and so i went to a different branch. but then i felt like enough time had gone by so i started going back, and it was just more convenient. i went to the bank last week on friday, and the lady who helped us saw the kids running around...
 her: you have three kids?
me: yes
her (pointing to blake): how old is he? ( i could tell she was confused)
me: he's two (getting ready to deal with this situtaion)
her: but he's not the baby, i remember you had a baby....
me: no, our baby passed away 5 months ago...(try not to cry in the bank...)
her: i'm so sorry.
me: me too.

and then we were done and could leave. so at the same time that i am scared people will ask, i am scared that they won't ask. does that make sense? i earned four children, i worked hard for them, it was work to get them here, and there are only the three precious ones here. sometimes i feel like i should wear a sign "i really have four"

 anyway, just some issues for me to work out. but i feel like time is helping. at the same time that i hate the distance from the time that Christian was with us, i can feel that i am healing, slowly but surely. some days are better than others, of course.  i really appreciate the sweet emails and texts that i have received randomly from friends and family. it helps us know that we aren't forgotten and that people realize that this pain is large and deep and is not ever really going to leave us.

we love you Christian, thank you for being such a sweet, darling boy.

i love green...

i love green. i really do. i should have a pinterest page just for green. and i've never really had a lot of St. Patrick's day decorations...does this make sense to anyone? no! so this year i got inspired with all the rainbows paired with green shamrocks that i'd seen around...so here's some of what i did....

my seasonal shelf...the sticks are the long ends of paint sticks that we cut off of for the turkey heads of this craft (that's my version of the turkey, scroll down in that post to find her).

i saw an idea online with wide boards painted rainbow behind things and so decided to do my own take. the LUCK is a wood cut out i ordered from Pick Your Plum (LOVE them), the shamrock picks and hanging shamrocks are just felt i cut out. i have A LOT of green felt left over from Christmas.

more shamrocks, this time in a banner form, the printable is from here and the large shamrock is again an order from Pick Your Plum...we did them for an impromptu (kind of) craft group, guess what we covered them with? Napkins!!! so fun, simple, economical...i am looking at napkins now where ever I go! just don't make my first mistake, remember to peel the white back off the napkin and THEN cut out the design to be mod podged on...i didn't the first time..it wasn't pretty:)

 wreath for the front door (wrapped a dollar store green foam wreath in muslin strips and then wrapped the colored strips...gluing beginning and end of the strip with hot glue. then i attached the shamrocks)

pretty much anything in my house that could have some shamrock bunting draped from it...does.  this mirror, my bulletin board.  i have one more project in mind that i want to do...a la Brian Regan seriously, listen to this clip from YouTube...funny man.  also, if you never have delved into his comedy, look on YouTube and put in Brian Regan (pop tarts, emergency room, little league, walked on the moon...it's all funny)

show time...

i was a vendor at The Glitter Academy event that was just in Chandler last week (happily i figured out the venue was right down the road from me, score!).  it was really fun, and because i have now done a few of them, i knew that chances are i wouldn't sell everything i made (cause let's face it, i made A LOT of stuff), but i had a great time handing out business cards, hearing people say the stuff was cute (even if they didn't buy any) and meeting some new crafty friends.  Don't get me wrong, I did sell some, and i am thankful for that!  all around, a fun time was had by all:)

pictures of my table...

one of the other vendors said, "your table is busy!" and i said, "yep, that's the way i like it"

traditionally you want to have not so much going on, but fun, happy, bright colors is what i do, so that's what this is...

hopefully not too overwhelming:)

my mom-in-law asked me the other day for some pictures of the kids that they could add to their picture wall, and we were looking for pictures...and i realized i don't have many of Ethan...it's not that i don't take them, i just don't have very many "good" ones, where he isn't moving a hundred miles an hour or making a silly face in every.single.picture.   see pics below....

and then blake and avery decided to join in the craziness

and something i did for Valentine's day that i didn't post yet...i made these little boxes