12.12.2011

hi friends...

whew....

times are busy and i still want time to just stop some days. yesterday was 2 months since Christian passed away.  There. i said it.  i actually noticed the other day that i avoid saying the actual words...so i am trying to at least think or write them. it's true. it's a fact.

acceptance is the hardest part.  i totally don't want to be a downer, but i just want to say that this is hard. the hardest thing i have ever done.  ever.  the time when we had Christian with us seems like a completely other life.  i don't know how my brain manages to do this, but the feeling is pretty interesting.  like the time has passed super fast and it was years ago...but at the same time, minutes ago.  does that make any sense? probably not.

grief is interesting. i have read several people's blogs that have lost children recently (how do i keep finding these people?) and the stages of grief that we are experiencing are much the same. i know it's a documented fact that grief has stages and you need to hit most of them to fully have closure or whatever, but it is interesting in actual practice to see it played out.

but we keep going. ethan has strep throat, pray that no one else gets it!  yikes!  but we got him some antibiotics today and i have every thought that he'll be able to go to school tomorrow.

yesterday some sweet friends brought us this precious little tree...


it has a "C" pin on the top, with pictures of him in the ornaments, it's so sweet and i love it.  i can't believe (but i can because we are blessed with wonderful people around us) how much people are loving our family and being so kind to us.  i feel so blessed and really, the prayers and love are making it so i can function and take care of my family.  thank you all.

6 comments:

Melissa said...

Love you Jen!

Irish B.O.B. said...

I find that God (the Universe, the Gods or whatever your personal belief system is) brings the ppl & experiences you need into your life at the time that you need them.

I wish you much love on your journey... =D

Lacey said...

Oh Jen. I love you! I have no other words! Thank you for sharing this. It has to feel good to let it all out.

Rose said...

Wow...I could have written this post myself. We lost our little Trace on October 10th. I'm looking forward to hearing more of your story. Hugs!! :o)

rachel said...

Jen it's true. You have to get to acceptance and pass through all those lousy steps that you and I wish you didn't have to. It doesn't make the experience any easier but to say it is very brave. Please call me if you need to it's something I would love to hear about and talk with you but don't know what the schedule is looking like. LOVE YOU!

Jackie said...

Still thinking about you everyday. I have so much sympathy for you and think you are so brave for making it through and taking care of the rest of your family. I know that we do what we have to do and you are doing it no matter what it takes, but it has to be hard and I feel for you. Life is hard and good and humbling and sometimes doesn't make sense, but it works out somehow in the end. I know it does, will, has to. Love you.