10.25.2011

how are you doing?

this is a question we hear a lot these days...how are you doing?

how do i answer that?

i have felt so much love and concern and friendship from so many people. my siblings all came in for the funeral, my mom and dad stayed far longer than they thought they would, a friend volunteered her house for my siblings and their children to stay in, my children have never received so many gifts of clothing and shoes... our ward family has rallied around us and made meals, they are taking turns spending time with us during the day, family and friends have sent us money to help us pay for expenses from the funeral and hospital bills, i have received beautiful gifts to help me remember Christian...my children have received gifts from friends to help them feel loved and special.....and countless people have been and are praying for our family.

i have never felt so much love in my life.  it is amazing. i wish the circumstances were different.  i wish that my baby was here with me so i could hold him and love him and take care of him.  but i know where he is, i know he is safe, and well and he does not hurt.  i know he is with our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. and that our family can be together again some day.  i cannot imagine going through this most difficult time in my life without knowing that those things are true.  if you want to learn more about these truths you can go here or here or ask me:)

so in answer to the question, "are you okay?"...

we are okay. we are doing the best we can.  do i cry a lot still? everyday.  do i laugh and play with my children? everyday.  do i think about christian? every hour of everyday.  this is going to take time.  i know that. i am embracing that.  my family has all gone home (i am so grateful for you guys), kendall stayed home today with us to spend time with just us.  he goes to work tomorrow and the kids and i will spend some time with wonderful people in our ward who want to care for us right now.  we are so blessed.  we are so blessed to have kendall's family close by as well.  we are as okay as anyone would be considering our circumstances.

in the sacrament meeting that was the Sunday after Christian's funeral, a man in our ward spoke and referenced his sister's blog and how she wrote something very poignant about the Provo Tabernacle and how it will be turned into a temple...both Kendall and I were touched by what she said...(to read the entire blog post, go here)

"without devastation or change or difficulty, we could just sail along the same way we always have. That Tabernacle could have gone on for decades yet to come as simply the beautiful Tabernacle it was. And so, in these times of re-evaluation, of creativity, of listening more intently, of being open to things that were never before even considered, we often find the greatest miracles.  It is when we look at how to rebuild, that often the plans for rebuilding create something much more incredible than we started with. There are so many times when He who knows us perfectly sees what we have the power to become when we ourselves cannot see it and are happy to continue the way we are.

When life burns down a Tabernacle, God rebuilds a temple."

our hope is that we can come out of this devastation as stronger individuals and a stronger family.

(***this doesn't mean i want people to stop asking how i am, i don't, i love that you care and i will answer that question as many times as you want to ask it! )

13 comments:

Melissa said...

I love that. It's beautiful. Let's get together soon. We still have a birthday dinner we need to do!

Elisa said...

What a beautiful post. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

Lacey said...

Wow. I love that quote so much. Thank you for sharing it with all of us. I love you Jen! I can't wait to spend some quality time with my besties in a few weeks!

Annie said...

What beautiful post...Audrey just told me what happened. My heart aches for you. I am amazed at your outlook. You are truly a special family and Christian knew that. I don't know what I would do without the Gospel, such a blessing in our lives. We love you and will keep you and your sweet family in our prayers. HUGS

Audrey said...

I hurt so much for you every day.
I am grateful for your understanding of this situation and it's so wonderful to me to see so many people reach out to you and try to show you the love and concern that you guys always show for everyone else.
You have always been an amazing example of true charity and I hope that I can help support you through this time in some small way. I love you!

Kathy said...

I don't know you except through my daughter Michelle, but I love you. I love you for your faith and testimony of eternal families. I can't imagine what you are going through, but I can imagine how your knowledge of the Gospel is one of the greatest blessings you have. Thank you for sharing... My life has been touched by yours.
Kathy Miller

Nikki said...

I love you Jenny! I think of you guys all the time. I wish I could be there to take care of you. You know that I'm only a phone call away if you ever need me.

rachel said...

I am so glad that you posted this. I have been wondering, praying, and thinking about you all of the time. I know it must be extemely hard for you and Kendall and I pray for Ethan, Avery and Blake that they will come out stronger also. It was amazing to hear the prophet so excited about that tabernacle becoming a temple. Did you go to the stake conference that was held there for our stake? It was the spring before we all went to Az. It was a spectacular building . . . and I can only imagine how phenomenal it will be.

Julie Letner said...

That is a really great quote. There is a book by Shari Dew called, "If life were easy, it wouldn't be hard." I have it if you ever want to borrow it, but your story about the temple reminded me of it. I love you and I had fun hanging out with you and Sara yesterday, and I know we will have more fun days ahead :)

Jackie said...

I love that you are able to express yourself so eloquently at such a hard time. I think about you and we pray for your family everyday. I wish that I could take care of you and be there to play with your kids and spend time together. Thank you for letting all of us know how you are.

LundHOMEpage said...

i was thinking about you and thought I'd see if perhaps you had any recent posts....sure glad I checked! What a wonderful story you have shared about the support of friends and family and even more a loving heavenly father who is watching over you! every time i think of your sweet baby it brings tears to my eyes, sobbing right now. thanks for sharing your strength, it somehow makes my trials not seem so difficult. I can't help but think you have one more little angel watching over you and your family!

Ilenia said...

I was thinking of you today. Thank you for posting this.

Andrea Hale said...

So glad that you are being taken care of! I think of you often and pray for you a lot. I love the post about the tabernacle!! It was beautiful and nicely said! We will continue to pray for you and I would love to help in any way!